All the pieces

I find myself reflective this morning, sitting here at my computer early in the morning, it is a cold winters day, Dec. 13th.
As I work on my laptop I sit at my little kitchen table next to the window. Today I can hear the wind blowing and I occassionally look up to admire the swaying trees. It's funny how I watch the seasons from this window how many years now? sixteen. As I write today, December of 2010 change is coming and I am feeling the cold of winter

Typically at this time of year as Christmas approaches I am pretty joyous in celebrating my saviors birth as I have said before there is a small piece of me that longs to celebrate with my DJ too. How I wish we were all together....

My emtotions are running high, Derek will be leaving in three weeks and my heart can hardly stand it and I begin to miss him although he is still present. I find myself saying the same words I have spoken before; "just focus on the present he is still with us right now." Staying in the here and now I think is more difficult for women, men seem to compartmentalize to a higher degree than women, they can soley focus on what they are doing at the time, women connect everything together and really have to work at seperating what they are truly feeling about the current situation, sometimes we can get lost in emotion. I for one have learned to write my thoughts down, this has been an indespensible tool for understanding my emotions.

So, Derek is leaving home, he is leaving Georgia and he is moving across the country 3,000 miles away. I am quite mixed in my emotions I will miss him tremendously. I am also excited for them, I know Rachel needs to be where her industry is and it will be good for her. I will just miss them so much. The telephone and skype are wonderful tools to stay connected and do bring a level of comfort but my struggle is truly of this seperation, when he went to Toccoa Falls it wasn't that bad, I cried of course but we settled down and saw each other enough that we were still connected, this however is truly "leaving". UGH, I feel sick.... only one thing to do and I know it very well, I suspect I will have to keep going to the Father about this until finally peace comes in like a warm fire.

As I write I realize I must surrender, I always do end up comming back to this - surrender. My life is not my own, when I became born-again I died to self and became a new creation in Christ Jesus. So if I live, I live in Christ and if I die, I die in Christ.

I know that sounds dramatic and it is. when Jesus laid down His life for me it was to take away my sin and He accomplished this incredible work at the cross but Jesus did not stay on the cross, nor did He stay in that grave. He rose from the grave and He is alive forever more. Jesus Christ the Son of God. This is so amazing He is alive, and He promised to all of us who believe in Him eternal life and the life is IN HIM!!!

God has provided for us salvation....and power. When Jesus ascended to the Father in heaven He promised a helper would come and He did, Holy Spirit filled the people who believed in Jesus so that we would truly be born-again! We are made NEW! I am a new creation and that is why my life is not my own.

So, I ask my Lord; "help me through this time Lord, direct my mind, my heart and emotions. Strengthen me where I am weak and humble me where I am prideful. I ask for Your will Lord, not my own because I trust You, I love You, You and You alone are worthy of all honor and praise!
I give Derek to You Father, I fully trust You to keep him and protect him and I know You have plans for Derek's life, they are good plans and I will rejoice knowing he also loves You! Bless Derek and Rachel Lord God, keep them in Your perfect care."


And there you have it the whole picture of me surrendering myself to the Lord. This is a continual process, as I said before quoting the Apostle Paul, "I die daily."

One day I will see the tapestry of life as a finished incredible piece of art, but for now I am a piece in the puzzle, I fit perfectly where the Lord has chosen, Dan, DJ, Derek and Dave all fit perfectly too and I can rest and be confident in that becasue God is faithful!